so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
