I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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