yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
