Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
