Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
