Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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