I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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