i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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