Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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