i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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