I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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