once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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