yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
