I hate your face
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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