You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
