Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She just used a chaser for red wine.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My dick has a subreddit
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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