genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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