best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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