You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We had sex on a dog bed..
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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