I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
