If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
