a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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