Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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