I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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