It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
