She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
