You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
