i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
