weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
