gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
