you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
