If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
