i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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