worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
