dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
