i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize