your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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