I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
