I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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