R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
