so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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