He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
