I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
