i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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