im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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