I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
