Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
