i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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