i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
