I look better un-naked...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
