She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
