if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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