New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
