I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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