summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You pole danced in your parka.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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