you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
