Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Randomize
