thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
