Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize