so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
