You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
420 ftw
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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