im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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