Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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