Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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