She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
