do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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