ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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