waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
